finding the right words

Sometimes I wonder about myself. Sometimes I think that age-old virtue of Common Sense has been omitted from my being since birth- maybe a cause for wonder and speculation at how abysmally this new life form will cope without the one mental presence the entire human race claims to be universal.

My cause for concern is backed up with evidence of the blondest kind. For example:

I walked into the Library today. Perfectly normal. And asked if I could borrow a book. Perfectly idiotic. The deadpan silence and singular raised eyebrow told me exactly what she thought of this Class A specimen of the Lesser Spotted Twittish Youth she was seeing in front of her.



Ive also managed to mistake man from woman too, in a frenzy of dramatic improvisation which needs a whole post to itself so more on that later.


A few days ago, I described food as “edible”
Shock horror.

Ive recently bought a pink Smart car- one of about 100, or 150. One evening, I was waiting to be collected after a night out, when I saw- not far away, a Smart car potter down the road. I was fairly tired and felt like I had been waiting centuries for this car to turn up, therefore, I stepped over to the edge of the pavement and gesticulated wildly at the little car, making sure I could be seen. The thing was, that as it was evening, the light of the streetlamps gave a pink glow to everything, especially white car surfaces, and as the vehicle drew ever closer, I realised the driver was a gnarled old man crouched over the wheel, absolutely no relation to me whatsoever. I think he must have been slightly offended when I had shouted “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN YOU SHAMELESS SLACKER?”

Why didn’t I look at the number plate?

That was the last straw. Therefore, I conclude this lament, with a conclusion as is often the case.

 So, from now on, I will think thoroughly before speaking.

Actually, why don't I just give up speaking and let other people do the talking? Or I could write down what I want to say, or learn sign language- save the sound of my own voi…stop. Shut up, J.

Really, just shut it.

Jx